What's in a Name?
Updated: Apr 9, 2022
“What’s in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet.” Juliet
Do names matter?
According to Shakespeare, not so much.
My name is Malarvilie. It may seem unusual but in India, Malaysia and Sri Lanka amongst the Tamil, Malayalam and Telungu communities (about 200 million people) it's the equivalent of Sharon or Kate.
In my parents culture, the father's first name is the family surname. My dad's name was Krishna and his dad's name was Rajaiyan. When the British closed down their naval base in Singapore, my dad became jobless but was offered a British passport as Britain needed workers. As he had 3 kids he jumped at the chance to work in the 'motherland'. On his passport, the British added the 'samy' to Krishna. They did this often. Ever wondered why there are so many Patel's in India? Much like 'Jones' for the Welsh and in Ireland, the English changed many names e.g.instead of Tadgh, they'd rename them 'Tim'.
Malar means flower. Vilie means eyes. It sounded like I looked like an alien when I was born. I've clearly grown into my eyes. So they named me Malarvilie which together means a flower in bloom. My husband, Tim rips me to pieces every now and then about it.
Malar written in Tamil:
When I was born, my dad wanted my grandad's name added to my birth certificate as it's an ancient Indian name and he was proud to have a child born in London. But my parents English wasn't great in 1973. So my birth certificate says my name is Malarvilie Krishnasamy Rajaiyan. Even at my dad's funeral, his name was wrong. When I mentioned it, a family member said 'Oh he didn't mind'. Is that the point? I also believe he did mind.
The Ting Tings understood!
In certain cultures they don't correct you. In the UK there's an awful habit of changing names to suit the English pallet. Or worse, it's changed for you. Age 3, my childminder called me Mandy.
I've had a range of nicknames over the years:
- Mandy
- Malibu
- Milli Vanilli
- Mallory
My favourites are: 'Malarvilie Christened-a-Salami'. I also found 'Malarvilie Ham-bacon-Sarny' amusing.
Even my parents called me Malar. Apparently by the time they said 'vilie', I was already there.
But since 6th form I've been Mal.
Teaching
As a teacher, in our first lesson together, I'd tell the kids all the nicknames I've had and put on the board Krish/na/sa/my. I'd say I've heard all the nicknames as a kid but I couldn't do anything then, now as a teacher I can hand out detentions! I'd also say I expect them to say my name properly and I will ensure I say their name properly. Some children would say 'Call me whatever'. But I'd insist they tell me how to say their name.
I don't agree in this case, Mr Roosevelt:
As a teacher in one school, on my first day I introduced myself to staff as Malarvilie. Within a few hours everyone was calling me Mal, without permission, some without trying, some with a look of panic asking 'do you have a short version?' It was disheartening.
Smash the Patriarchy!
We got married in September. I didn't change my name, as it's my name. But Tim added Rajaiyan to his name. Our 2 kids have Rajaiyan as their middle names. It means 'victorious king'. Our eldest is named Taigh Rajaiyan McCullagh, you can see his heritage in his name - Indian Irish. I feel a sense of pride when I see my children's names in print.
In the last 30 years, no one has called me Malarvilie until now.
We've moved to Spain. At passport control in Valencia, the guy looked at my name and said 'Malarvilie' I nodded in shock and he asked 'Is that correct?' it was perfect. The Spaniards roll their 'r's so it's easy for them. They're also not afraid of long names. Unfortunately, Mal means' bad' or 'evil' in Spanish so saying 'My name is Mal' would be problematic. So, I introduce myself as Malarvilie. Tim has started calling me Malarvilie too as introducing me as 'evil' doesn't feel right to him.
In Spain, in a funny way I feel more whole and less apologetic for my heritage.
So, what's in a name? A lot actually.
Malarvilie is an Educational Leadership Consultant, Coach and Trainer.